When ego comes out
It took for decades to be able to catch the moment when the ego comes out for me.
Now I control myself to be subbody mode in a whole day, otherwise, I cannot enter into student's subbodies and resonate with it from inside.
But sometimes when the morning conditioning is not enough, my ego comes up and possess me, I noticed twice times in this week.
Maybe I felt that my work for this year has finished, then conditioning becomes loose.
It is one of the proofs of loose that my old poet character came out this week. I have lost concentration for keeping midwife mode.
Then many small fragmental egos come out and possessed me.
When ego comes out, it has a particular signal. Ego is bound by dissonance mode.
Because ego was born when the complete resonance with the womb world was broken, and ego had to make oneself as if it were a war orphan. The ego feels always conflict, fear, anger, and complaint to the others.
It is the first characteristic of an ego that ego forgets one's own problem and ego puts the blame on the other person. The ego feels always angry and dissatisfied with others.
When we get angry with the others, we project all bad Qualia to the others and bound by blaming always. It is not ninety percent, but exactly a hundred percent.
Because this ego process is completely unconscious, the ego doesn't know that the real problem is on its own side, then it projects all the blame of bad thing on the others.
Ego pictures the best planning in its own imaginary world, and if the world did not follow the planning, the ego becomes dissatisfied and gets angry, this is the characteristic process of small ego.
Even me, when I am not enough conditioning, immediately small ego comes up and possess me, and I was fallen in anger mode
The morning enough conditioning is everything.
I realized the importance of conditioning deeply again.
When the conditioning is not enough, always small ego comes out and binds us.
We need to continue it every morning until enough.
I hope all students to continue it every morning, even after they have finished subbody school.
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