Release from strength

 Release from strength

The biggest point what I learned in Himalaya is that we don't need to pretend to be strong.
It's not necessary to show that we are strong.
We are so deeply bound by the strength which our society and education continue to force us to be strong. It becomes unconscious pressure in the darkness of the body.
We need to release ourselves from the pressure to pretend to be strong.
Our ego is bound by this pressure. But not only ego but also subbody is bound by this pressure.
When I created "Infectious Fever" ten years ago, twenty years old subbody possessed my body and created the piece.
Then it was full of strength, pretending to be brave, I was bound by the tendency which tries to show stronger movement.
After the performance, I found that my body was full of adrenaline mode.
It was so bad for Life because the immune system was shut down in adrenaline mode at all,
then my body had stopped to perform it eight years before.
But this month, when I tried to create a Butoh piece after eight years rest, I had to face the tendency to be strong is still alive.
My subbodies were born in the early age of my life, and they were folded in the darkness of the body with keeping small ego as the same as they were born.
I have to face the big struggle between the weakened body which I had trained myself for these ten years, and the young subbodies with full of the tendency for strength and a small ego.
I have to recognize that not only the daily body is bound by ego, but also hidden subbodies are bound by each own small ego.
To be released from ego is not easy to process, it is the deep labyrinth in multi-dimensions.
We don't need to deny ego and any subbodies.
Ego and small egos have the tendency to deny each other, but we need to accept everything for finding the best resonance in the whole self, in the whole world.
The most important thing for life is to accept all elements in our life without any denial.
And how can we find the optimum resonance among everything in the darkness of body?
This is the final problem for me in the face of sixty years old birthday.